Lessons well learnt (Revisited)
I lost my mobile yesterday. Was distressed to say the least, losing all my contacts and pictures. Then after a while, a kind gentleman called my work and said he found my mobile on the street. He lived nearby in one of the most expensive and plush apartments here, I went there to pick up my mobile. I was really grateful and told him that I would like to treat him with a cup of coffee, least I could do really in return of his gesture.
After exchanging few text messages, we fixed up time and venue. Then he text me back asking me if I had a boy friend, I replied back to him that I was actually married. And his response left me gutted, he sent a text with message “Oh ok, I am single I thought so were you, nice meeting you. Good bye”.
I was shell shocked, well it was a laugh but still was difficult to take it in. I couldn’t believe that you had to be single to go out for a simple cup of thanks giving coffee with a bloke. I wonder if at all an asexual relationship can exist between a boy and girl, whether platonic love can exist or its just a theory.
A dictionary definition for Platonic love- A pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and regarding the mind only and its excellences; - a species of love for which Plato was a warm advocate.
Working on this definition, I know it from my life that two people of opposite or same sex can have and share a special spiritual affection .I think there is no need of stressing on that word ‘pure’ at all as no spiritual affection can ever be impure. Something to think about for all of us, is the converse true as well. Can pure love exist without any spiritual connection? My answer, No.
Having thought about it for a while, I am still not sure if any emotion can be free of sensuality as such. Any overwhelming feeling in our hearts makes us passionate and passion in many ways is probably a so called ‘carnal’ emotion. Don’t we all get gratified sometimes by a person’s voice on the radio, a person’s words on the paper, a person’s beauty, a person’s knowledge, a person’s bravery or by a person’s charm. It doesn’t even matter to our awe what the gender of the person is.
Coming to the part about platonic love being only about the mind with no influences from the physical appearances. I would be lying to say I never got drawn to a person based on the external appearances,that I never judged a book by its cover, but with age and experience, the layers of physical beauty are shedding off my sight. Having said that I still believe, people pass on vibes to each other which defines the course of their acquaintance, after their initial meeting. I wonder though, if these vibes that I am talking about are physical or metaphysical characteristics.
So if I were to go by the definitions of platonic love from the various online dictionaries I browsed in last few minutes-I would say it’s a theory,it can’t exist. But I do know that you can have a relationship with a person, sharing lives, sharing jokes, sharing values, sharing pain and agony, sharing passions and also sharing the fact that each person has a special person in their lives to whom they owe their loyalties. I know for a fact, that this can happen as god has blessed me with wonderful relationships alike in my life.
posted by dumbdodi at 4:19 pm
30 Comments:
Dumbdodi, you are forgiven for stereotyping, as you accepted it publicly.As you rightly said every country has struggled to accept it. I am sure things in India will get better. I also agree that for successful campaign against Aids, one has to look into this aspect very strongly
Funny incident that happened with you. Coming out of closet is tough in any country.
We all stereotype, even that guy stereotyped you for a girl who doesn't go out with a guy as a friend. What goes along, comes along.
Eg from me, I am half chinese-half filipino. I look more chinese though. I find people with whom I meet for the first time, speaking slowly and repeating what they have said, as they assume I don't speak English. So it happens, don't single yourself out.
Rightly said, closets are for only for clothes. No person should go through the humilation of hiding his realities from the world
I feel you have mixed material of two blogs in one. The first one that talks about the ability to go out with a person in a platonic way and the second about the steriotype.. Seems like you dont think and write..but you write and keep writing as your thoughts flow through
Hey Chakri..Thank you for your honest and blunt reaction. Much appreciated.
You are right, I don't think and write, and I do write as my thoughts flow through. That incident led me to the topic. To be honest, I am not very happy with the way in turned out to be, but then a thought is a thought and it has to be said. Keep your honest reactions coming, would like to know your takes on my poetry as well.
@anonymous, Dale, Rhea and Malcolm. Thanks for reading and posting the comments. Rhea thank you for sharing your experience with us.
So...what shall the poet from Cleveland say to all this?
First, this is most assuredly your space, and I am respectful of that.
Second, in my assessment, women are always susceptible to exploitation by men... no matter the culture. So, wise to be cautious. Hormones are what they are--for men and women. But, we have a responsibility much higher than our groin to observe when we encounter others. That is the heart.
Male-female...we have both in each of us. More ying-yang than male-female. No new revelation there. I say beyond gender to soul. The soul knows no gender in my way of thinking. Bodies do. That is what they are all about.
Dumbdodi...you exude great passion and as such draw those seeking heat of all kinds. Your heart seeks authenticity and love at its deepest level. These are callings that go far beyond what calls the moth to the flame.
Blessings to you and your beloved.
Awwwwwwwww Don, I am speechless.Will be careful, I think I went off track with the article and the incident, will get back to myself soon.Just one of those days!!!
I really liked your opinion on the 'gender bias', if I may call it that.Thank you once again.Lots of love to you.
hey good one...
although I agree with chakri, i would have loved to see two different articles on the two topics u talked about...nevertheless good ones...
Hi Music fan, I can't agree with your comment more.
So,I present you with first of the two articles. I just wrote this one,following your comment, the second one will follow soon as well. Keep reading
Dumbdodi...very interesting exchange here.
Life is learning. God knows I live and LEARN everyday. So, there is no off-track so to speak.
It's wonderful that all of us can sit around your campfire here at Workshop, talk in peace, and warm ourselves.
You are the somewhere between the song bird and the butterfly in full bloom. Blessings on this day to you.
well written...thought provoking...shows your passion...liked it better than the original post
now we are talking...that is one complete post....it turned out better than the original one....so the lesson i have learnt here is, thoh creativity is a spontaneous thing... one can definetely make it more presentable by revisiting it....
i think u shud thank chakri for being so honest and bringing the best out of u... if it were not for him.. we wud not have read the revisited version... good job chakri...
Thank you Don, you leave me speechless, I am very talkative Don,so its a very big feat to leave me speechless and to shut my gob. Take my word for it!!! But seriously, thank you for guidance and encouragement.
Thank you Madhu, I liked this one too.
And Music fan, I wasn't happy with the way it had turned out, but true Chakri's and even your comments made me rewrite it, so thanks to both of you.Well the way I think now is that, I posted the manuscript in, it never really was an article. But really learnt many lessons through this one.
As thunder roars
and lightning strikes
courage grows
and morning breaks.
Amidst it all
songbird speaks
and from that moment
life deeply seeks.
Greetings Dumbdodi!
I must say, as it relates to the English language, you have a very interesting name. Thank you for visiting me.
Now as it relates to this particular topic within a topic, I don't see the conflict in subject matter, at all.
You begin telling about an incident that happened, and the man thinking you were single --- thus he stereotyped you. You ended the article with speaking about stereotyping and platonic love, which to me is a form of respect for other human being. So, as such I enjoyed the diversity of your thought, and the way they pulled together. When dealing with any either, or situation, more than one in-between will be created.
May I suggest that the man intentions might not have been honorable? As he did get an opportunity to examine your mobile, unless you had a password on it, and these days passwords are so easy to crack. But indeed, I can see why his behavior shell shocked you. On the other hand, you being married might have shell shocked him, since some husbands can get real mean about their wives having coffee with a stranger, no matter how innocent it may be. There is always more than one way of looking at anything.
Of course, being a colored woman here in America, I can truly relate to being stereotyped. When I was young it made me angry, now I used it to inspire me, so that I can be more creative in how I communicate with others.
My goodness, I do ramble on ---- hope you had a wonderful day! - Amias
Dear Amias, firstly with reference to my name, my friends started calling me that after the extinct bird DODO, I am goofy and absent minded so the adjective dumb.I love this name though,it tells me I am dumb and have loads to learn and makes me feel one of a kind, no more of the species existing anymore ;-).
Your comment was so articulate.Thanks for understanding my thought process in my previous post.
About stereotyping, people are surprised with the way I dress and my non 'sterotyped Indian' way of life. It doesn't bother me or my husband though.But again these are better times as far as race acceptabilties go.
Do keep visiting!!!
Wow you really got everybody writing...one day I will write my two cents worth on love,agape, storge, phileo, eros etc I enjoyed this posting!
Dear Plus Ultra,hmmm yes didn't I get everybody writing. It was nice. Oh your writing is so much more than two cents....I guess modesty comes with the territory..I checked out your second blog valley of muses..liked it as well.Do keep visiting
guess no one can give the ultimate sacrifice and no one can satisfy the other person that theyre doing the ultimate sacrifice to be in a relationship...be it platonic or not. Its all about givig something... and then hoping the other know that thats the most you can give. And this something is jsut a part of the heart that would certaily yearn for something more than just a relatioship...so u are right.,..there cant be such a thing as platonic.
Its like us blogger, some not even see the faces of other blogger and just impressed by their writing. We can't calculate other by seeing their personality. Thanks for your wishes:)
I have many platonic friendship with women. Including married women. Women don't easily attract me. I grew up with five beautiful sisters.
I also suffer slightly from homophobia but it doesn't make me avoid them.
I am actually a very dry person. Probably due to my strict Christian upbringing.
@Ghostparticle, every word you wrote is true to its core. We can't give everything of our self to anyone, we can only give the maximum we are capable of. Thanks for stopping by, and keep visiting.
@Jeevan,Thanks for your comment and agreeing with my views.Some people can influence our lives by never meeting us physically.
@Imemine, women don't easily attract you and you also confess to be slightly homophobic.(???) Just joking. That itself is interesting, so I disagree that you are a dry person. I believe sexuality is like religion, political view etc and everyone is entitled to their own.
Also you have surprised me with your writings on buddhism after mentioning your strict Christian upbringing. Again very interesting. Thanks for your visit and come by again.
Dumbdobi,
That needs explanation. I don't become attracted to just any woman. I'm not a Cassanova or Don Juan. And yes, I know I am slightly homophobic. This is due to my Christian upbringing, which is my past. Yes, I'm dry because I see physical intimacy as dangerous to spiritual growth. One must at least have a little discipline in this matter. Yes, I am also delving in Buddhism. And I think I am beginning to see the wisdom and effectiveness of Buddhism more and more. These are not contradictions. These are parts of my journey in life.
Dear Imemine, I didn't think you could get attracted to anyone and everyone, I can't actually understand how some people are able to do that.
I think you are very brave and truthful to be so open about your opinions. I really admire that.
You see physical intimacy as a danger to spiritual growth, but there are some schools of thought which say it is a mean to spiritual growth.Anyways I don't have any opinion on the issue though I agree we need some discipline in the matter.
You seem to be on a path to a great transition, wish you all the luck.
It was first disciple of socrates , Plato intiatted this idea of love and friendship which latter had his name with the meaning of a relationship love or friendship with no sex.
It occurs, it occured will occur but with whom is a ?
when i introduced two of my gal friend ( fine when a guy say friend it generally boys ) as platonic friend once to a person - a wise elder man of 60s
after the gal left - he called me up in a low voice " vaishnav - i do understand you are a nice guy and having a good freindship with a gal - but believe my word - i am aged and been a great casano of my times vaish - i tell the word platonic just remains in theory and books. i also lived saying this word for quite some times my son - how ever you will know yourself."
he passed away recently - but his words remain in me. he gave plenty of words often when we meet inpartk during my jogg in evening. i always enjoyed having a word in the evening. nice man and a good soul how ever he had been in his young days. a ahppy man who live life he felt to be lived
fine paltonic - this word recalled him today in unsual time
Hey RAdhika...I am new to blogging, I like reading books but dont get much time to read. I like the way you write and am looking forward to more such posts from you which are really thought provoking..
Dodi enjoyed all three parts, the TOPIC, the SMS that shell shocked you & your idea about platonic relationship.
and really good to read Mr. Don Lannone's comment.
the topic is in no connection with the blog, the guy who returned the mobile is very geniune and kind, he is looking for a girl who is single, as u said u r married so he ended up the scene.
and coffee is the culprit of the scene, stop treating people with coffee for their kindness, shower them with blessings thats the best u can really do in return to everybody.
Mr. Don let the moths tell what calls them to the FLAME
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