Paused....
I have a lovely Spanish lady as my colleague who works in the other wing who I keep bumping into. Not only do we seem to be pee partners but we also seem to be hungry at the same time.
Yesterday during one of our lunches together, she was having some lovely Spanish food. While talking about the cuisine she mentioned her husband doesn’t have any particular fondness for Spanish food. Nosy me, I asked her where her husband was from.
She hesitated and paused….then replied he was from Middle East. I said Ok. She paused again and then said “He is actually from….. Iraq”.
I feel sorry for such pauses. Pauses not to prepare for answers, pauses not to think how to lie but pauses to say the goddamn truth.
This incident reminded me of an old conversation. Once while travelling in the tram, I was greeted by a rather cheerful and chatty co-traveller. We got talking and he told me he was from Libya. We had a lengthy discussion about social/political situations in our respective countries. When it was time to alight, I asked him for his name.
He had paused too…similar pause…but it was longer and heavier. He finally looked at me dolefully and said his name was ‘O..OO..OOOsama’
The mere thought of being judged is intimidating. We all have some or the other attribute which we think exposes us to be judged upon. But some people have to live with the fact that they will be judged as the very part of their existence, no matter where, when and who.
Hence this pauses……….
posted by dumbdodi at 10:26 am
87 Comments:
Given the current situation and paranoia, this is expected. Probably the pause is to see if you are a trustworty person. I often pause to make sure if i am dealing with the right person. No one likes to be judged the wrong way and stereotyped. You never know...
Funny you mention country of origin and names.
Quraishi apparently was the name of Mohammed's tribe in Saudi , yes the tribe who 'persedcuted' him, like certain jews rejected Jesus
And yet I've now met or heard of several chaps called
Mohammed Quraishi
C'est la Vie! Mon Ami
Hi Dumdodi,
The pics a lot are from NASA and other links on my sidebar.
Feel free to fish around anytime you have more time!
A guy named Osama!!
Very true..most often we tend to pause for a moment, thinking of what the other person might feel, if we say the truth.
It rarely is proceeded by a true answer.
Actually, the media is to blame for inflicting upon us such negative connotations about places and people. Most often we tend to forget that there are exceptions.
Radhika,
Congratulatoins on spreading your wings and taking flight. May your journey be blessed and fulfilling.
Your post reminds me of a recurrent theme that just keeps coming back to me over and over about the costumes we wear, and the importance that we as beings place on them. People are so attached to costumes....race, names, country of origin, physical appearance, age, occupation, socioeconomic status, gender, sexual orientation....and any number of other things used to judge one another in hatred, suspicion, jealousy, and most of all, fear. Let us look at each other through the eyes of love, the eyes of commonality in our shared humanity....not fear, not judgment, not assumptions....and just be, just be.
Blessings to you, dear Radhika.
Great comments in here! i too have seen people pause...with names of Arab decent or anything that sounds like Osama. If my husband had Osama for a name...We would have lots of fun with it!...We are crazy like that! it would be kinda fun watching peoples faces turn scared! LOL
Pauses are very real, more so with ourselves than with others, if all of us refuse to sit as Gods then others will not pause...and we in turn can take off our masks!Lovely piece
Names are names.
Just that.
I have had many reasons to be suspicious and that has caused pauses with my speech, when certain questions arise..
I have friends who are resented by other friends for their race, when the 'time' arises, I have to think, 'do I want to fight, or not?', I tend to go with my answer and not worry about it, sometimes I fight, sometimes I refuse the answer and go round the question.
I have many reasons pertaining to myself, that questions arise and I deal with it the same as just said, in my case tho, I usually want to keep silent, there is often a 'threatening edge' to revealing some info.
I have noticed that some other people in pausing are themselves the 'judge', and project the fear of judgement on to me, if I feel and see this happening, I try to calm and reassure the party, wanting them to speak, for I am not their enemy.
Other times it is just like you say, straightforward and justified fear of an unjustified judgement in the part of the listener, that is a shame that the pauser has to worry to the point of a pause, but it is a current reality. A sad reality, the world has produced this state, there is no innocent party in terms of world governments and large orgs. And of course it filters down to us, we have to live with the situation produced from the top. I personally am looking for this to change, it is untenable for our societies to be multinational and multiracial, and have this internal fear and distrust existing between individuals for no 'real' reason.
I read an article on blog of Rauf, a while back, about the precariousness of speaking frankly within India, how delicate the peace was there, one or two 'wrong' words could cause immense damage and innocent bystanders, children especially would become victims. That was about the time of the blogging restriction for the sake of internal peace. It was a good and informative article, he said the need to hold back in conversation was justified by the damage that one could do to the daily peace. Justified or not, it is a shame, but India is hugely diverse, and there is much emotion tied to the differences, from what he said. Consider if this was the case in every society everywhere, fear and pausing to that degree. No good, it has to change, the makeup at the top has to change, the bottom, us, cannot live in this kind of jungle, fear behind every tree, if it gets worse there will be no more peace, it must change for the better, and that is altruistically, from the top down.
Some say otherwise, blaming us at the bottom, this however is my opinion, top down.
sad they feel difficult to say who they are. i guess we (who are not so opinionated or biased) should make them feel comfortable!!! after all they are just as innocent ppl as ourselves!!
and you have given us pause for thought in a far more positive way
well done
thank you
A lot of these problems can be corrected by our Politicans and Bureaucrats. They indeed weild some authority.
But, the will is lacking. Wish the word politician did not remind us of corruption.
Read More:
http://apunkadesh.blogspot.com/
Dodi
Thanks for sharing this thought provoking piece.
I do appreciate all your wise and insightful words!
Have a beautiful and joyful day!
Margie:)
nice post Radhika! Very true, we are always judged by things we do and where we are - which is one of the greatest mistakes that people do. after living hard long 20-25 years with your parents and/or with your spouse, when you still have misunderstandings how can you say "this judge this is the character/attitude of a person" Bias or prejudice is always ignorance!
As Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Change has to begin somewhere, It has to begin with me. When I show people, through my actions, that it is completely possible to live in complete harmony with all people in my community, then maybe one day, your spanish friend, and Osama, will openly and joyously declare their name, their partners origin etc.
If everyone posting on your blog right now, can open and as honestly as possible answer this question: "Do I ever feel predjudice againt another human being for reasons of race, religion or skin colour? Even more importantly: "Do I ever pre-judge someone because of their identity? If everyone answer no then maybe we, as a group of individuals can be the driving force of change. Change is always possible through effort and perserverance.
I refrain from judging myself. I also try not to judge others.
Sometimes or often I judge people even tho I don't really know them. Just for fun. ;>)
There is only one sure way to avoid depression: don't judge.
You are a very thoughtful person Dumbdodi.
I believe you feel strongly about discrimination and injustice. Good for you.
I too have faced a situation like this, if some one was silent to my question? And avoid answering. It really makes us discomfort, but we can’t run on the same again know, its there interest, we can’t urge. Have a nice week Friend:)
yep thats really unfair and sad.
Having said that Im still very glad that my name doesnt have the part 'Osama'...who would want that! If I was that person I would have changed my name by now.
Keshi.
There is nothing in NAME.......
We have got so muct to worry about and to make correction.....
But sometimes name makes a difference when that is only criteria to distinguish..
Got my point you all???
@Ari...True..being a little more conscious and careful..we can avoid hurting sentiments of a lot of people...
@Quasar That was very intersting. Strange real strange.
About names...My name as you know is Radhika and my husband's name is Madhav...and in our hindu mythology they both are the eternal symbols of love...Radha-Krishna same as Radhika-Madhav....but in mythology they never got married but remained lovers...well and we got married...but I hope we too remain lovers for life ....hehehehe..sorry got completely off track...
@Vinesh...well he really was named that. Poor soul
@Alex...media probably to be blamed...but i think its just us..we think what we want to think...if we put in a little effort to break sterotypes...and to not judge..or atleast come across as someone who would judge..we will be better humans
@Serenity
Thank you for your wishes. Really thank you.
"Let us look at each other through the eyes of love, the eyes of commonality in our shared humanity....not fear, not judgment, not assumptions....and just be, just be" - Great message..nothing more for me to say
@Kathy...yes you do come across as a person with a sense of humour. Great that you both as a couple have a laugh. Its a funny though actually..scaring people away...hehehehe
@Plus Ultra...
Yes..real people..real problems..real pauses...if we remove our masks I think..people around us too will feel more relaxed to be themselves..real themselves
@Ufukhati....
Are they? I always thought so? But are they?
In my last post, my friend Margie left me a comment that small babies with names of terrorists in the most wanted list are being detained at the airports...so I ask..are names just names?
@Ufukhati....
Are they? I always thought so? But are they?
In my last post, my friend Margie left me a comment that small babies with names of terrorists in the most wanted list are being detained at the airports...so I ask..are names just names?
@Jim...you have put 'Paused..' into a greater perspective. Personal pauses.....true what you said...sometimes being silent..pausing and changing course of a discussion is the most sensible thing to do.....
About speaking openly in India...people speak openly..as openly as it suits them and others...its a strange mentality that we have...I sometimes feel we have in our blood to say..exactly what ought to be said...rather what we wanted to say....
So when one does say everything 'openly' real 'openly' the equillibrium gets disturbed...
These days when I think of an issue, I try to not break down the society into layers...my brain finds it too complicated like that..so for me there is no top or bottom...its all about individuals their hearts and their minds.....
Jim thanks for your visit....you always add so much more here...thanks a ton and love to you
@Deepsat
Yes true very true, we should be more sensitive. Thats the difference we can make.
@Floots
When I was writing it..there was so much more coming to me..but I paused...I think I did a good thing...where I paused I think thats where everyone is starting their thinking now
@Indian-Lets make progress
Now thats a name!!!! :-)
Politician - word has stopped speaking to me now...but we have to take responsibitly in putting them where they are...democracy gives us all the power...hence all the responsibilty is ours too
@Margie
Thanks for reading it.
Thanks for your wishes my dear friend and wish you the same
@Indianangel
Prejudice is really a very bad quality..won't lie, I too find myself prejudiced. I am conscious now of it and fight it.
Thanks for you comment
@Amit...Great absolutely brilliant quote. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I totally agree...thats how I see all the problems now...that change has to begin with me..ME
About your question, I will go first.
Yes I do find myself prejudiced sometimes, don't know where does it come from, is it the news I read, the movies I watched...don't know on what basis are my prejudices based...
As there is no basis I tell myself, its stupid...I try and fight it...I still am....and I will
@Imemine...I think I judge myself..but I seldom judge others..even if I am tempted to...I just turn my thoughts away from it..not my place to judge anyone...
@Rob...Yeah I think I do.....back to back posts about it...
Don't know why but it is a big issue for me
@Jeevan
Yes...everyone has a choice and a right to remain silent and not to answer our question. In such situations we have to respect their sentiments and excuse ourselves
@Keshi....you are so honest. I love you for that...I am so sure you would have changed your name if it had Osama in it..girl you have guts..you can do anything...I really admire you Kesh...
@Prashant
Welcome to my blog.
I think I got your point. Its ironical for name to used as a distinguishing criteria.
I too have felt some prejudices. But when you get the spark of recognising when you've felt that way, atleast you can then give yourself the choice of change.
When people recognise the prejudices within themselves, they can give themselves a choice:
"Do I consciously and through understanding change my attitude, or do I wait for other to change before I change myself."
It's great that you recognise and are aware of them in yourself, me too! That is the first step of change! :)
Great post! Those certainly are unfortunate pauses. It is very sad when everybody has bear responsibility of the stupidity of some! It is nice that theer are people like you who don't judge people based on their origin, race, country, religion etc.
yeah Radhika,we can see people saying "um", "er" or "ah" when they hesitate while speaking..And it's a very unfortunate indeed that your friend paused and resorted to those kind of "fillers" to answer on that particular situations..It happens sometimes for everyone..And one can say to the other one if only one can believe the other one,as Aamir(ari) said..
And i feel..reading your posts is great take..but reading the responses here is another great take!!
ddd,
There is nothing wrong with the baby. You know that. I guess, that baby did not carry any gun or bomb or what? Or even he/she still does not know the "big-big words" spread around.
Okay, just that.
It's here that i pause, for a completely different reason.
excellent stuff.
hmm thanks yar.. for droppoign by. few more photos to be loaded soon
Very well written Rads. Normal incidents whihc probably happen to all of us but you felt them and wrote so sensitively about them Well don
@Amit...yes I think so to, first step of change
@Twisted DNA....Oh I am trying to...can't say I never judge people..but am trying to change and better
@GD...Yes those pauses....
Trust..we won't pause if we trust I think...but its so difficult to trust anyone...
Thanks GD, these days though I am finidng difficult to write and keep up with blogs I read...too difficult actually...hope I am able to manage
@Ufukhati
Nothing wrong with babies..all wrong with us. Thanks for coming by again my friend
@Nishant - Please check out my reply to you on my previous post.
I am really glad you liked it. Other than my brother, I think you are the only person who is younger than me who read my blog/left a comment :-)
@Known Stranger
Oh do upload more pics, the once you mentioned. Very interseting themes.
@Malcolm
Thanks Mal. Thanks for coming by even on a such a busy week
People can get real judgemental at times, and hence the pauses perhaps. Am reminded of Laden's niece in the US being traumatized for no particular reason except her unfortunate lineage.
true on this pause.,,,, i speak on any subject even if it is a taboo subjects that can make me degrading yet when some one asks my zodiac.. i take a long pause if possible change the topic
G'day Radhika hows u?
Just saying HI :)
Keshi.
Nicely written blog..
Is it not strange that no one names their kids Ravana or Judas or Brutus or on the back any other mythological or historical villan
I am sure Osama as a name has also been wiped out of the name books of the future..
hai Radhika,
This is a good post. Did u introduced indian dishesh into ur spanish friend.
keep in touch and best of luck.
hey radhi,
its been long since i visited ur blog... good one again...wow pretty interesting topic.. a guy named osama... i am yet to meet a hitler, ravana... no wonder no one give their kids no names...
@Velu
What a great thing you pointed out. Thats true his niece's story and the family was quite moving actually though they had nothing to do with the incident at all.
@Known Stranger...now you ahve made me curious. What about the zodiac sign makes you pause.
Well for me now, if someone asks my zodiac sign, I just find it silly unless its a 12 year old who is asking it.
@Keshi...hi back to you honey :-)
@Parag
Well said mate. Very well said and Welcome to my workshop
HI Noushad
Not really, but next time I will offer her a curry recipe. :-)
@Music Fan...I have not been able to visit blogs either. Have so many things to do that it seems just too much of an indulgence (spending time blogging/blog hopping).
True isn't no one names their kids after villians, osama as a name is defintely wiped out forever.
Radhika,
Just stopping by to say hello, and offer you words of encouragement and joy.
Your assignment is to do something totally frivolous and fun, something just for YOU!!!
peace and love flowing to you, dear friend.
dumbdodi: I like your observation. And you are right. In order to dismount borders, welcome to have a pizza slice at my place. Take care and see you later.
Wow...why are we always the jude...if so, we can only hope justice is served by someone wise...good observation
Hey R, just stopping by to say Hi. Hope you are having a great weekend. :-)
-ari
:) huggggggz!
Keshi.
I agree that the pauses are unfortunate. A new guy started working where myhusbadn works about two years ago and he said his name was Sam. Turs out it is really Osama, and he doesn't like to use his given name anymore. It's shame.
May all of us keep our minds open and free of the torturous shackles of prejudice.
Spirituality is also against prejudging and pauses can mean different things for and to different people. The apprehensiveness does convey a dysmal picture. They remind me of former PM Atal Bihari Vajpayee during his speeches. Sometimes one wonders whether he will continue with his speech or not.
Just wanted to say "hi"
Hope to see you at my place soon
When you're not there I *sigh*
And when you are
My heart shall swoon!
huggggz!
Margie
P.S
I do hope all is well... and you are happy!
Just to say hello Dumbdodi. I know you are busy, stay with your work, priorities are the thing, stay well and get your rest as you can. Blessings to you and your family.
@Serenity
Sorry for responding so late. Thank you for your wishes. There are still lot of things going on but lots of things I was able to manage as well. I am hoping I should be able to see you all like before. Love to you
@Danne
Oh Welcome to my workshop. You should know I am usually very quick and warm in welcoming new visitors but I have been in middle of lot of new developments.
Anyways I love pizzas...so see you soon :-)
@KuanGung
Yes..we all tend to judge and only wise should serve justice not the biased. Thanks for your comments
Hey Ari
My weekend...it didn't seem like a weekend :-(.
Anyways I AM NOW BACK. STill lots to do but I am back. See you on the other side at Happy Shutters. Love
@Keshi Darling
Thank you honey for being so patient with me. I should be more regular now. See you soon sweets
@Sheri
Welcome to you Sheri, wow one more guy with that name!!! Well from Osama to Uncle Sam...now thats what I call a jump in leaps and bounds ;-D
But on a serious note, it is a shame real shame.
Sheri see you soon
@Dear Don
After a long time my friend. We both seem to have been caught up in worldly things. Thanks for coming by during these busy times.
I am hoping that I would be more regular now
@Hiren
I can't tell you how much I laughed at you reminding me of former PM Atal Bihari Vajpayee's speech...'Yeh Achii Baat Nahin Hai....'hehehehe...the regular act Shekar Suman use to make of it.
Dear Margie
Thank you so much. I am well just in middle of too many things. But I should be back more often now. See you soon Margie..Really thanks for stopping by so many times and to make me feel cared for
@Jim
Oh It would be making great deal to say I AM BUSY, but I haven't been free either.
But I am back now Jim...I miss all of you and blogging too much...I think I am better when I blog..so I am back..see you soon my friend :-)
Nice post which makes one think...
But have we ever thought what is the reason for us getting this thought of being judged? Hope we find it out someday...
@Chetan
I hope the same too Chetan, Thank you for stopping by and for leaving your footprints
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