Parent Trap

Lately there have been two new readers on my blog, my mum and dad. Their first piece of caution "Don’t write anything anti-government and controversial, as they might ban your blog and we won’t be able to read it here". How sweet and naïve of them to think, it could really happen.

My parents have always been extremely proud of me; much to my dismay sometimes as they were and still are very vocal about my achievements however insignificant and trivial.

When I was at school, I somehow happened to be good at many things. I won every debate and essay writing competition I ever entered, was consistently one of the rank holders at academics, was student body leader both during my junior and high school and I even played Table Tennis for my state. Before you conclude that I am on an ego trip let me stress that I do have a point to make.

It being that, because of my wins I took my parents being proud about me for granted. I never realised, that there are some kids who crave to be appreciated by their parents, that no matter how hard they try they will never be good enough for them. Not in arrogance, but in innocence I never realised how encouraging my folks were and how they had managed to keep my mind free with no fear about failure.

Best of parent-children relationships see conflict of opinions, habits and attitudes. Fortunately without any love being lost, I and my parents crossed that hurdle. There are still certain things they do out of love for me which drive me crazy, but I can laugh these things off now without blowing the roof off.

Like for instance, my parents have self-appointed themselves as my publicists. They have been passing on my blog’s URL to everyone. I am not protesting to that as my blog is public and it is open to all and anyways more readers mean more feedback and more diverse opinions. But if the same thing were to happen when I was a teenager, I would have picked up an unnecessary argument with them.

During my rebellious years as a teen, there was a stage where my parents stopped stopping me. It started worrying me then that they had given up on me, on the contrary they had accepted me as I was with full confidence that I would eventually grow out of my antics.

After four years of being out of my teens, being on my own, being married, I have finally learnt to accept my parents’ ways of showing their love and pride for me, knowing that they will never grow out of those.

Though I have several years before the day, I do wonder and worry about the kind of parent I will be. To have a daughter like I was in my adolescence is my worst nightmare. A thin silver lining though being that expert and experienced advice of my parents would be just a call away.

I have always wanted to be free, free of rules, free of restrictions but now I sometimes wish that I remain trapped in my parents’ world where I cease to grow and remain a kid no matter how old I grow in the real world.

Lessons well learnt (Revisited)

I lost my mobile yesterday. Was distressed to say the least, losing all my contacts and pictures. Then after a while, a kind gentleman called my work and said he found my mobile on the street. He lived nearby in one of the most expensive and plush apartments here, I went there to pick up my mobile. I was really grateful and told him that I would like to treat him with a cup of coffee, least I could do really in return of his gesture.

After exchanging few text messages, we fixed up time and venue. Then he text me back asking me if I had a boy friend, I replied back to him that I was actually married. And his response left me gutted, he sent a text with message “Oh ok, I am single I thought so were you, nice meeting you. Good bye”.

I was shell shocked, well it was a laugh but still was difficult to take it in. I couldn’t believe that you had to be single to go out for a simple cup of thanks giving coffee with a bloke. I wonder if at all an asexual relationship can exist between a boy and girl, whether platonic love can exist or its just a theory.

A dictionary definition for Platonic love- A pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and regarding the mind only and its excellences; - a species of love for which Plato was a warm advocate.

Working on this definition, I know it from my life that two people of opposite or same sex can have and share a special spiritual affection .I think there is no need of stressing on that word ‘pure’ at all as no spiritual affection can ever be impure. Something to think about for all of us, is the converse true as well. Can pure love exist without any spiritual connection? My answer, No.

Having thought about it for a while, I am still not sure if any emotion can be free of sensuality as such. Any overwhelming feeling in our hearts makes us passionate and passion in many ways is probably a so called ‘carnal’ emotion. Don’t we all get gratified sometimes by a person’s voice on the radio, a person’s words on the paper, a person’s beauty, a person’s knowledge, a person’s bravery or by a person’s charm. It doesn’t even matter to our awe what the gender of the person is.

Coming to the part about platonic love being only about the mind with no influences from the physical appearances. I would be lying to say I never got drawn to a person based on the external appearances,that I never judged a book by its cover, but with age and experience, the layers of physical beauty are shedding off my sight. Having said that I still believe, people pass on vibes to each other which defines the course of their acquaintance, after their initial meeting. I wonder though, if these vibes that I am talking about are physical or metaphysical characteristics.

So if I were to go by the definitions of platonic love from the various online dictionaries I browsed in last few minutes-I would say it’s a theory,it can’t exist. But I do know that you can have a relationship with a person, sharing lives, sharing jokes, sharing values, sharing pain and agony, sharing passions and also sharing the fact that each person has a special person in their lives to whom they owe their loyalties. I know for a fact, that this can happen as god has blessed me with wonderful relationships alike in my life.

'Quest'-ion

Thoughts add in every minute
memories subtract same time

Experiences gained each day
life in years and time lost

Words uttered and written
meanings fade away somewhere

Visits to places faraway
view though getting shortsighted

Is this stagnation or realisation?

Food for thought

I am adding some spices to curry for tonight
Wondering if at all I am adding them right

Cardamom, Cumin and Coriander
Green chillies, Garlic and some Ginger

Pepper, Peas and new Potato
Turmeric, Thyme and juicy red Tomato

You can’t go wrong with these, my nan claimed
Let me taste and see if my efforts have paid

Something seems missing, may be its a clove
Checked recipe again, it says finally season it with love

So spooned the curry with love and my affection
Wish my guests dine and leave with satisfaction

More importantly hope no food is wasted, not a single grain
As respect to the hunger of thousands starving in disdain

Bon Appetit..

So much for charity

David Walliams, from one of my favourite shows ‘Little Britain’ managed the magnificent feat of generating about £1 Million for his chosen charity. After a year of rigorous training he took just 10.5-hours to swim across the English channel for Speedo Sport Relief. No small task for a non athlete.

Personal charity appeals like these have always moved me. One of my dearest colleagues from my last place of work had shaven his long curly locks off for charity.One of the managers at the same place, was trying to raise money by losing his extra stubborn weight.

Another remarkable example is of my neighbour, she is climbing to the base camp of Mount Everest for charity right now as I write. She is a small built woman and she had to train for a year, exercise and meditate regularly to prepare and qualify for the expedition.

Taking up challenges like these, giving up something important to you to make a difference is an act of self emancipation of a very high degree. These people have given more than money to their charities, they have given their positive energy ,hope and strength of their souls.

In the context of charities, one of the most disillusioning episodes of my life without any exaggeration, was a documentary about how well the money raised by Sport Relief in the UK was being used for Tsunami victims and other underprivileged children in India. People donated with big hands and bigger hearts and a lot of money was generated.

I was so disturbed by the thought that India in spite of doing so well economically is in need of money and volunteers from other countries to tackle the real problems. I was and still am so ashamed for not doing enough. Guilt stricken, I kept thinking, why our inability to do enough for our own brethren did not discourage the people who made generous and heartfelt donations.

Reason, I realised was true charity just sees the need and not the cause. A prayer at the end that our charity increases as much as our wealth.

Summer Song

A sunny day walk by the quays
Breeze pushing me bending my knees
Making hay while sun shines
Sipping through a drink made of limes

Lunching out today seems nice
Top on menu- mexican brown rice
Rays or rains wish I had a choice
Curbing my vigour for now, walking with poise

Dreading cold, rainy and dark days
knowing they are to come wishing for more ways
Still hoping summer would stay long
Cheerful me, might give my husband a tighter snog

Hope everyone is enjoying the weather
No need being for wool or leather
Seasons greetings from me to all
Message to say enjoy the days before the fall

People

Different colours and clans
Different names and needs
Different spaces and souls
Different reasons and religions

Same edges and egos
Same worries and woes
Same facts and finds
Same grains and greens

Different aims and aesthetics
Different victories and vices
Different saints and sires
Different climates and continents

Same doors and destinations
Same mirrors and mazes
Same soil and sky
Same origins and oscillations

Baby Boom or Boomerang

While I was waiting for my 5 toppings pizza to arrive at Pizza Hut last night, a couple with two kids probably aged six or seven made an entry. The kids and the couple sat on different tables. I thought it was because the adults needed some privacy, the lady escorting them happened to tell me they were actually escorting the kids on their date.

The kids were really cute and cuddly, kept playing with me by making faces and imitating everything exactly like I did. With no intentions of interrupting them on what probably was their first date I then turned my face away and got busy with my pizza and my husband.

I love children and childhood. I think it’s the most wonderful time of life. I was thinking of the wonderful experiences I have had with kids and the one that stands out is with my neighbour’s adorable daughter back home.

Once while baby sitting her, I asked her what her favourite animal was. Her answer really amused me, she said her favourite animal was a pig. In India the common pigs are the ugliest creatures, resembling obese rodents, feeding on sewage. So surprised, I asked her what did she like about them, she said they were pink and pretty. As it turned out her favourite cartoon character was Piglet from ‘Winnie The Pooh’ and she had never seen a real pig in her life. That is the innocence we sadly grow out of and can never get it back.

Kids apart from spreading fun, also cause great embarrassment. One of my cousins has the cutest baby boy and I took him into my arms and carried him around for a while. After an hour or so the cheeky kid had so skilfully unbuttoned half my shirt that I only realised it when he started playing with things he wasn’t supposed to!!!

Two of my close friends are expecting babies soon and have asked me to be god mothers for their babies. Delightful isn’t it?

By the way I asked my husband after Pizza Hut, if kids would continue be so much fun when they would actually be yours. As for the answer from him, the question never even got acknowledged and he chose to play a deaf ear. So far so good……

Bombay Blues

I wrote the following essay few years ago following a discusision with friends about Palestinian freedom struggle or their acts of terror. I tried a great deal to understand if terrorism can be justified or reasoned at all. I now regret even spending that time trying to think what could drive these people to such insane and horrendous acts. Yesterday the images of terrorist attack on my beloved city left me gutted and sick in my stomach. What good can anyone achieve over so much death and destruction?

Excerpts from my essay:

Terrorism is the random use of violence to fulfil political motives that inflict pain and suffering on innocent people and damages on public property. An individual who commits such violent acts for his cause and which he thinks is justified - is a terrorist.

Today, almost every continent, every country is facing the threats of terrorism. Why are people resorting to such measures for achieving their ends? What causes can be identified for the mushrooming of such groups?

Fundamental differences and dissatisfaction with the government are the major reasons for people resorting to violence in order to meet their demands. Many times equal rights and respect are denied to people belonging to a particular group which can lead to hatred against the rest of the society by such groups. Poor social and economic conditions lead to unemployment and general unrest in the society. In such a scenario, the formation of terrorist groups is reactionary. Once a person is enrolled into such a cult, he is then often caught in its net by threats of the group itself.

A genuine cause can, indeed, be identified with a terrorist group, but it is rather rare. Even in such cases, it is a blind, irrational devotion to a cause which provokes the terrorist to commit acts of random and meaningless violence. It is these random acts of violence which makes terrorism such a dreadful crime. When in action, the terrorist simply seeks to destroy everything and anything which comes his or her way. The terrorist ensures greater attention to his problems by targeting the innocents.

We the sufferers of terrorism denounce the kind of violence adopted by terrorists; there is no case for defending such acts on grounds of morality as they bring about death and destruction to people without warning, mercy or reason.

The terrorist in his quest for his rights thinks little of destroying rights of others. However deeply we study the causes of growing terrorism, even understand the motivation behind it, we cannot find any reason good enough to justify it. Even if we leave aside moral and ethical issues and try to think from ‘their point of view’, we fail to find a justification for it hardly ever accomplishes its objectives.

Killing yourself softly......

Have you ever thought of taking your own life? Did you ever feel that death could be the only escape from the worldly problems you are surrounded with?

Read other day in the papers, renowned ENT surgeon Dr Hiranandani committed suicide in a fashion only a surgeon could have by cutting the exact vein which would lead to immediate death without any chance of survival. A privileged career, a posh residence, loads of money, illustrious family do not seem to be common reasons for depression or suicide. No ones life is what it seems like from outside. One can’t gauge the sensitivity and desperation of a person based on the outward appearance of his/her life.

This incident reminds me of a traumatic experience of my neighbour hanging herself to a ceiling fan. The worst part of the incident being, myself and my brother being the first people to realise that and see her hanging.

She was one of the most jovial and well kept women I have seen till date. She taught me to cook and sew. She was in her fifties, always immaculately dressed, very organised and active. She was sick for few months and was getting frustrated because she was used to a good outdoor social life. But it came as a huge shock that the frustration drove her to such an extreme step.

Society being more open about mental health here and also with my husband being a Psychiatrist, I happen to hear and see so many people being off work/life with clinical depression.

I do not know what reasons can justify killing yourself, or if suicide under any circumstances is justifiable at all.

Not the nicest of topics to write on or to even think about. But one can’t be oblivious to the fact that sadness can engulf people easily these days and who knows it could be me or you next.

Just a silent prayer, that god when he gives us the gift of life also blesses us with enough strength to endure the journey.

My brother

Piece of my heart, piece of my flesh
Share of my love, share of my life
Part of my dreams, part of my plans

Prayers infinite for you
Hopes limitless for you

Affection knows no bounds for you
Emotions beyond control when it comes to you

Best of friends
Best of brothers

An ode to us being born to be together
A song for you for you are so truly loved

Piece of my heart, piece of my flesh
Share of my love, share of my life
Part of my dreams, part of my plans

To Sai from Akka

Colours of Love

Violet for the year around spring you bring into my life
Violet for the lovely colours you add to my evenings

Indigo for the trance of being in love with you
Indigo for enriching my soul

Blue for the sky that you show me is the limit for our dreams
Blue for the blues of separation

Green for our prosperity because of your hard work
Green for the beautiful landscapes you have shown me

Yellow for joy you bring me everyday
Yellow for the sunshine I enjoy with you

Orange for the warmth you give me
Orange for the energy your love and affection give me

Red for the passion in our lives for each other
Red for the romance I wish would continue forever………

Wedding Bells

Having been away for a week for a very special wedding, I think it’s a good time to write about one of the requests I have had so far – Logic behind marriage.

I would like to think there is no logic behind marriages, clichéd it may sound but they are just meant to be or not meant to be.

“A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences” – Anonymous

Made for Each other couples don’t just happen, the couples put in time and more importantly thought to make themselves perfect for each other.

I have friends who are wonderful people with failed marriages in past and who have been lucky the second time around, so in reality all marriages do not last forever though I wish they did.

I ask myself how is marriage different from just being together in love. Before my marriage, I always thought of perfect love to be as strong and committed as a marriage, now I think of perfect marriage to be tender and fresh as love. In an ideal world love and marriage would be the same.

Pondering for few hours now, the difference I think is love brings two individuals together and marriage brings two lives together embodying families, friends and fortunes.

With that note I sum up this piece, hope you enjoyed reading!!!